A few months back, I happily accepted the idea that I’m not all grown up. Full disclosure: I’m 38.
As I was sitting in my family psychotherapy education class (yes, I have recently gone back to school), the professor asked the group for their thoughts on “when a person becomes elderly.” Most responses revolved around the retirement age—which is unfortunate, as if life or growth ends when work does.
But that’s a discussion for another day.
Anyhow, she offered us a different perspective. She encouraged us to rethink our future life plans, suggesting we keep exploring, trying new things, learning, and actively enjoying the world until at least 85. Modern medicine, endless opportunities, and breaking societal limitations—all that jazz.
So, I let the idea simmer.
Over time, an ever-louder voice inside me kept asking, “What should I be when I grow up?” During my younger years, I’d heard that question what felt like a million times—but this time, it was different.
This article is about how I’m working through that question.
No, I don’t have all the answers, definitive advice, or a foolproof plan for you. But I’ll share some helpful tools and prompts to guide you as you consider: what do you want to be when you grow up? Hopefully, you’ll allow yourself to reflect on whether you’re on a good path—or if you might want something different from life.
Let’s start by discussing how too much pressure is put on adults to have everything figured out by a certain age.
The Old and Tested Recipe — Get a College Degree and Stick with One Career Path
My generation was raised by parents with a clear formula for a successful life: go to school, get a good job, work 40 years at the same company, and then retire—often in their late 50s or early 60s, thanks to pensions and a different economic landscape (meanwhile, today, we have people completely changing careers at 50).
And they told us we should do the same; after all, that’s what they did, right? Here’s what I was taught long before I even started college:
Finish high school with good grades. Choose a college degree that promises steady jobs (whether you’re genuinely interested in it is secondary). Study hard, join a student organization, and build connections with professors who can give glowing recommendations. Then comes graduation day.
The ultimate goal: conduct a job search, send out your perfectly crafted resume, impress with those good references, ace your interview, land the job, show off your skills, and prove your worth. Then, stick with it—even if it doesn’t feel fulfilling—because that’s just what you’re supposed to do.
And so, I did just that—or at least, I tried to.
A few months into my new job, I found myself ready to make what seemed like a “totally wrong” choice. Was it society’s judgment or my own doubts holding me back? Either way, it felt so off-track—but why?
I’d been handed a fantastic opportunity to carve out a solid career path in a competitive job market: I became a salesperson for medical supplies. It checked every box I’d been taught would solve my biggest worry—a “secure job.” I’d earn money beyond anything I could have imagined at 26, all while acquiring skills and setting myself up for future opportunities to grow.
Yet, something inside me felt suffocated. Thankfully, I was brave enough to listen to my inner child’s voice. It begged for the freedom to explore, stay curious, and chase my dreams. It reminded me that as a kid, I’d never wanted to be an office-bound career woman.
So, I quit—without a plan B—leaving my coworkers and managers stunned.
On an unrelated note (or is it?), my resignation story took on a life of its own. It was told and retold by my former team and beyond, becoming something of a legend. Inspired by what seemed like an absurd move, more than half a dozen employees followed suit in the months that followed. They decided to figure their lives out, too.
The moral of the story?
Most of us believe the question “What should I be when I grow up?” is reserved for children. It is not! I will go out on a limb and state that we should never stop asking ourselves that question. It is the only way to ensure that we’re in charge of our future.
Career paths are rarely linear, and the “right” answer often comes later in life. So, let’s talk about why it’s never too late to ask yourself that question and let dreams evolve with experience.
Reevaluating “Success” at Any Age
How we think of success is primarily shaped by cultural and societal expectations.
For the teachers and parents of my generation, success was about stability: a steady job, financial security, and predictable progress. This recipe stuck with most of my friends. For them, freelancing or entrepreneurship sounds daunting.
Most wouldn’t admit it, but many of my friends believe I don’t have a "real job!"
I’ve been a full-time freelance psychologist and writer for over a decade. I work hard and earn as much as (if not more than) my friends.
But here I am, writing these lines in a cozy café, casually sipping on my matcha latte—a scene that probably doesn’t align with the generationally ingrained idea of “success.” It looks like I’m having way too much fun for that.
Yet, success has evolved into something more fluid for me; it is aligned with fulfillment, creativity, knowledge, and personal growth.
Recently, for instance, I got to combine all those elements—my psychology background, writing skills, personal interests, and being a work-from-home mom—while writing an article about exploring the MBTI through the lens of Harry Potter characters. My daughter and I share a love for Harry Potter, so being able to weave that passion into my work was one of those moments when my version of success felt perfectly clear.
This shift isn’t unique to me. Research shows that generational differences in career aspirations reflect broader changes in our society. Baby Boomers often value career-long loyalty to one employer, while Millennials and Gen Z seek flexibility, meaningful work, and room to grow.
A Practical Takeaway—(Re)Define Success
Take a moment to redefine success for yourself. What does it mean to you now?
For example, when I was 25, success meant climbing the corporate ladder. At 38, it’s about balancing work in a field I’m passionate about with financial stability, along with my role as a mother. By 50, I expect it’ll evolve again—maybe it’ll be about exploring my other talents and interests. After all, I am quite a crafty person!
Remember the idea of staying curious and active until 85+ from the introduction? We’re not all grown up yet.
Write down your current definition and keep refining it. Don’t be afraid to dig deep. Ask yourself:
Why do I want this? Why does this feel like success to me? Do I still believe in it? And if making changes was completely risk-free, what would I truly want out of life?
Figure Out Whether “Completely Absurd” Choices Were Indeed Such
When I quit my “secure” job, it was both terrifying and liberating. It felt like when I did when I was in college—or even high school—when endless opportunities seemed within reach. The world was my playground again.
Here’s the thing: leaving one path doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re opening the door to other options.
At that point, I didn’t really know what career I wanted. But I figured it out, and I’m more than happy with how things turned out.
Looking back, I realize I wasn’t just rejecting a particular job. I was embracing an entirely new way of living, where career paths are like rivers—branching, meandering, and always flowing. I can decide to walk on the riverbank for a while or jump right into the rapids when I feel adventurous.
A Practical Exercise—If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now
Make a list of the “erroneous” choices you avoided in the past (there are no bad choices if you are willing to learn from them). Maybe you didn’t apply for a college because it was too artsy or too far away from home. Or you didn’t become a hair dresser because it wasn’t seen as a prestigious or financially stable profession back then?
Were these desires or plans truly unrealistic, or were they just risky? Were they too far outside your comfort zone? Did you follow your parents’ and teachers’ advice?
Do you now know better? Have things changed in the present society?
Reflect on whether any of those paths still spark curiosity or passion. It’s never too late to revisit an old plan and see if you are better equipped to follow the path now.
How to Reignite Curiosity and Discover New Paths to Your Dream Career
Curiosity isn’t just for kids. Some of the most successful career changes happen when we allow ourselves to explore without a solid plan—no matter our age.
My biggest growth came when I started saying “yes” to new experiences, like freelance writing, life coaching, and even pursuing my current psychotherapy education.
I know how that sounds. You’re probably thinking: “Okay, so you’re a psychologist, and now you’re studying to be a psychotherapist. Wow, such a rebel!”
I know, right? But trust me, it’s a huge leap for so many reasons.
First, I survived intense trauma that left me a little shy—maybe even socially anxious. Second, I’ve spent over a decade working virtually, connecting with clients through my keyboard and screen, never meeting 99% of them in person. So, venturing out of that cocoon, building face-to-face relationships with clients, and re-entering my local market are all big, new steps for me.
Now, I’m working on making it a habit to regularly question whether I’m still on the right path—or if I’ve outgrown it. How? By taking a few practical steps from time to time.
Transform Curiosity Into an Action Plan
Here are some actionable moves to help you explore fun new (or forgotten) options and answer the big question: What should I be when I grow up?
1. Revisit What You Loved as a Kid
Think back to what you loved as a child or teenager. What interests did you have in high school or college but had to put aside for the sake of practicality?
Did you dream of being a fashion designer, teacher, nurse, or artist? Were you passionate about photography, traveling the world, or even building things? Maybe you imagined flying to the moon or helping others—and saving the world along the way, of course!
Even if it can’t become your full-time career, hobbies can rekindle passion and lead to unexpected opportunities.
2. Test Small Before You Leap
Find ways to dip your toes in if you’re curious about a new field. Maybe you don’t need to quit your job right away. Take an online course, volunteer, or freelance before committing to a big career move.
Exploring career options in small ways can help you test the waters without overcommitting.
3. Stay Curious
There are so many people to meet and skills to learn. Try something completely outside your comfort zone. Sign up for a science class, join a creative writing workshop, or learn a new language.
Curiosity breeds new ideas.
Why Dreams Are Allowed to Evolve
It’s easy to believe that the life plan you made after high school or college was your “one true path.” After all, young people are often expected to decide their future careers long before they’ve gained real wisdom or experience.
The truth is, we’re rarely aware of all the different jobs and career paths out there until we’ve spent some time navigating the professional world.
This has been recognized for decades. In 1996, academia advocated for policies to support lifelong career counseling and development.
Plans can change. One of my classmates, for instance, worked in a factory for years and is now moving to another city to become a military psychologist. I’ve met people who transitioned from teaching to running successful restaurants or from corporate roles to becoming illustrators.
The beauty of life lies in its flexibility.
Actionable Advice to Explore the Future of Your Dreams
Think about where your skills, competencies, and interests overlap. Chances are, there are various careers and jobs you never heard of in school that could be fun, lucrative, and fulfilling.
For example, if you’re passionate about science and have a knack for connecting with kids and parents, you might explore roles in developmental psychology research, designing innovative education methods, or even communication science.
Over the past few years, I’ve had the chance to dive deeper into John Holland’s career interests model while working with BrainManager. It’s a framework that groups careers into six categories—like artistic, investigative, and social—based on your preferences and strengths.
Recently, I retook the test myself, and it was a great reminder of how our interests can shift and evolve over time. Seeing where I landed helped me rethink how I can combine my skills and passions in new ways.
Take a moment to write down three skills or interests you’ve developed so far. Then, brainstorm how they could come together to shape a new career path—and don’t be afraid to think outside the box.
Rewriting the Question
“What should I be when I grow up?” isn’t just about jobs or titles. It’s about the person you’re becoming.
As I approach my 40s, I’ve realized this question isn’t about finding a single, perfect answer. It’s about the journey of discovery. It’s about asking yourself: What brings me joy? How can I contribute to the world in a meaningful way? What else do I want to do in my lifetime?
And I hope to have many different answers to those questions in the years ahead. How about you? Are you ready to let go of the pressure to get it “right” and make space for growth?
Commit to Continual Growth
Adopt a growth mindset. Most of us weren’t taught this way of thinking as children, but it’s important to remember that our skills and talents aren’t set in stone—and our plans even less so.
Instead of fixating on what you’re “supposed” to do, focus on what you can do. I get it—money for bills doesn’t wait for dreams to take shape. As a single working mother, I know this all too well.
But even so, try setting aside just a little time now and then to jot down your ideas, opportunities, and reflections on what truly fulfills you. If you do, you might find that exciting new possibilities start to unfold.
Lessons I Wish I Knew Sooner
As I wrap up this article, I want to share the product of my reflection: the lessons I wish I’d learned earlier in life. But the truth is, it’s never too late to learn them.
- You’re not stuck. No matter your age, you have the power to change your path.
- Skills are transferable. Don’t undervalue the knowledge and abilities you’ve already gained—they can open doors in ways you might not expect.
- It’s okay not to have a plan. Clarity often comes from action, whether it’s stepping back to reflect, meditating, or simply trying new things. Overthinking doesn’t always lead to answers.
- Support matters. Surround yourself with friends and mentors who believe in you and encourage your growth. They can make all the difference when you’re ready to try something new.
Your Next Step: A Personal Challenge
While writing another article about finding your path when you don’t know what to do with your life, I realized something: I’ve grown.
There was a time when not knowing where I was headed in life made me deeply uncomfortable. But now, I love the feeling of open horizons ahead. To me, they mean I’m still here, blessed with the endless possibilities this wondrous universe has to offer.
If someone were to ask me today, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I could safely say I want to become a greater expert in my current field. But I could also dream bigger, allowing myself to imagine being a visual artist, a fitness instructor, a child educator, or even a traveling photographer. Why not?
This week, take a moment for yourself. Ask, “What would I try if fear of failure wasn’t holding me back?” Write it down. Even if it feels impossible, think of one small step you could take to explore that idea.
I also recommend checking out BrainManager’s Work Values Test or Career Quiz to spark new ideas (both are free, by the way). For deeper insights, our Premium Career Test combines personality models with career frameworks to create a detailed profile of your professional interests and aptitudes.
Understanding your personality, values, and beliefs is the first step toward becoming who you truly want to be when you grow up.
