Some people have a natural knack for understanding their own emotions and tuning into others’ feelings. Others, however, often struggle to navigate anything related to emoting.
Think of someone who blurts out the wrong things at the wrong time or completely misses the emotional vibe of a room. Do they have low emotional intelligence? Quite possibly.
There is good news, though. Contrary to popular belief, emotional intelligence isn’t a fixed trait you’re born with. Like social intelligence, it’s a skill you can hone with practice.
Think of it as a muscle: neglect it, and it won’t be very strong. Like a weak muscle, low emotional intelligence (low EQ) can betray you when times get tough and cause you much trouble. Train it, and it grows stronger and more reliable.
From recognizing your feelings to navigating the complexity of interpersonal relationships, emotional intelligence is a learnable skill that can transform how you connect with the world.
If you’ve ever thought, “I’m just not emotionally intelligent,” this article will show you why that’s a myth — and how you can change it.
What Does It Mean to Have Low Emotional IQ?
What is low emotional intelligence, and why does it matter?
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your feelings while effectively interpreting and responding to those of others. When emotional intelligence is measured, the score is referred to as an Emotional Intelligence Quotient, abbreviated as “emotional IQ,” or EQ for short.
If someone has a low EQ score, it can hinder one’s personal and professional relationships, as well as their mental health. What does a person with low emotional intelligence typically look like?
Picture this. You’re at a team meeting; one person keeps cutting others off mid-sentence, with little insight into the frustration they cause. When their ideas receive constructive feedback, they take it personally and lose self-control, launching into a defensive monologue. Later, you see them snapping at a teammate, unaware of the uncomfortable glances from everyone nearby.
Is this self-centeredness? Are they trying to cause trouble? Or does that person have mental health problems? Chances are they merely have low social and emotional intelligence.
They don’t even realize how their actions affect others. Their intentions aren’t bad. However, lower emotional intelligence comes with the inability to pick up on emotional cues or manage one’s feelings. They’re not a “bad person” — just someone who exhibits signs of low emotional intelligence.
Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence can be measured and scored, but these scores are not standardized or normed like those of intelligence tests. Typically, emotional intelligence is assessed through self-reports, peer feedback, or behavioral observations.
Unlike IQ, where a score of 100 typically represents average intelligence across tests, emotional intelligence assessments yield varying results depending on the method used. EQ outcomes are generally interpreted as indicating high, average, or low emotional intelligence rather than fitting into a single universal scale.
So, what do we observe in a person with low emotional intelligence?
Low emotional intelligence manifests as inappropriate behavior, poor social skills, and lack of emotional stability. These are the signs of low emotional intelligence, according to research and psychological practice:
- Emotional instability, poor regulation of emotions, and uncontrollable emotional outbursts.
- Difficulty identifying and expressing emotions. People with low EQ have a limited emotional vocabulary, making it hard to express true emotions.
- Difficulty understanding other people’s feelings, leading to social conflicts.
- Poor relationships and possibly very few friends due to their inability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.
- Lacking assertiveness in expressing one’s needs and feelings, especially negative emotions.
- Poor coping skills. Their response to stress is very intense, and they struggle to cope with difficult emotions.
Comparison: Low EQ vs. High Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is not a binary trait. It exists on a spectrum.
Moreover, it is multidimensional, consisting of several factors that form the trait emotional intelligence.
To understand this complex notion of emotional quotient in practice, let’s compare people with low EQ with those with high emotional intelligence.
Self-Awareness
A person with lower emotional intelligence struggles to recognize their emotions correctly. In contrast, someone with higher emotional intelligence accurately identifies and labels emotions.
For example, a person with a low emotional quotient might sulk and act angrily when their partner doesn’t call them without realizing their anger stems from insecurity.
Emotion Regulation
When someone has low EQ, they get easily overwhelmed by strong emotions and have poor coping skills. People with high emotional intelligence can handle their feelings even in stressful situations.
For example, low EQ leads to yelling and emotional outbursts in a heated argument. At the same time, high EQ seeks a calm resolution.
Empathy and Understanding Others
Low EQ is associated with trouble reading emotional cues or understanding other people’s feelings. A person with high EQ will intuitively recognize others’ emotions and respond adequately.
If someone seems to ignore a friend’s emotional ordeal, it might be because they have low emotional intelligence. While this can sometimes resemble traits seen in narcissism—such as a lack of empathy—it’s important to note that not everyone with low EQ exhibits narcissistic tendencies. A person with high EQ will acknowledge and sympathize with another person’s distress and provide reassurance.
Social Skills
Low emotional intelligence often results in poor quality of social interactions, in which such a person appears self-centered or abrasive. People with high EQ and high social intelligence build supportive relationships and foster healthy interactions.
At a social gathering, for example, a low-EQ person dominates conversations — or completely shuts down. A high-EQ individual engages others and listens actively, making people feel comfortable and respected.
Related: Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Intelligence Quotient (IQ) — What Are the Differences?
Impacts of Low Emotional Intelligence
Lacking emotional intelligence can lead to significant challenges in personal and professional spheres.
Research shows that emotionally intelligent people excel at building healthy relationships and reaching academic and professional goals. Conversely, those with low emotional intelligence might misread social situations, resulting in awkward interactions, poor coping with challenging emotions, and even underperformance.
Let’s explore the adverse impact of low EQ and why you should consider strengthening your emotional intelligence.
Mental Health and Well-Being
At first glance, emotional intelligence may seem like an unlikely topic in clinical psychology. However, its impact on mental health conditions is undeniable. Research shows that lower emotional intelligence is linked to conditions like social anxiety, major depressive disorder, substance abuse, borderline personality disorder, and emotional dysregulation.
Moreover, low EQ is associated with the occurrence and development of physical illnesses, primarily psychosomatic disorders.
Fostering emotional intelligence skills can help mitigate these adverse mental health and physical health outcomes, improving overall well-being.
Relationships
Relationships thrive on emotional awareness and understanding. Lower emotional intelligence often leads to trouble understanding both yourself and others, which can strain relationships.
Friendships, family relationships, romance — these are emotion-rich bonds. Emotional instability of any kind (such as emotional outbursts or inability to cope with others’ emotions) can create friction and strain even the strongest connections.
For instance, when parenting style is dismissive or overly critical, it can inadvertently affect the quality of the parent-child bond.
Encouraging open emotional expression and showing empathy can strengthen trust and foster emotional growth in both parent and child, friends, and partners.
Performance and Achievements
Success isn’t solely determined by cognitive abilities — emotional intelligence plays a pivotal role in performance and achievements.
Not everyone realizes the significance of having emotional savviness when managing workplace dynamics. Yet, it is a key factor in creating harmonious and productive environments. People who lack emotional intelligence usually have difficulties resolving conflicts and collaborate poorly.
Emotional awareness drives self-motivation, enabling individuals to stay focused on goals despite setbacks.
Improving Low Emotional Intelligence: 6 Practical, Science-Based Tips
Emotional maturity can be reached and honed over time. If you suspect you have low EQ, you can learn to regulate emotions and have more successful interactions with these practical tips for managing emotions:
1. Cultivate Self-Awareness
To improve the foundational emotional intelligence skill of self-awareness, you want to learn to accurately identify what happens within — and not succumb to a reactive state of mind.
- Begin by practicing mindfulness, which helps you stay present and recognize your emotions without judgment.
- Journaling is another effective tool; writing about your daily experiences, reactions, and feelings can uncover patterns in your emotional responses.
2. Practice Emotion Regulation
Building resilience to strong emotions requires conscious effort. You can learn to manage emotions adaptively by employing these psychotherapy-based solutions:
3. Enhance Empathy and Understanding
When you develop the capacity to understand other people’s emotions and listen empathetically, you can provide emotional support to others without becoming overwhelmed.
- Practice perspective-taking by vividly imagining how you would feel in someone else’s shoes.
- Research shows that empathetic skills can be strengthened through reflective listening and exposure to diverse viewpoints.
4. Develop Interpersonal Intelligence
Improving social skills and interpersonal intelligence begins with practicing active listening and maintaining open, assertive communication.
- Consider signing up for communication or interpersonal skills courses.
- If you come across opportunities for role-playing, such as practicing conflict resolution or giving constructive feedback, take advantage of them. They’re valuable for honing your ability to navigate complex social situations.
5. Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary
A richer emotional vocabulary enables you to express emotions clearly, minimizing misunderstandings.
- Explore different words describing feelings (feel free to use a vocabulary or find a list online) and reflect on various situations in which you experienced that emotion.
- Broaden your ability to label emotions accurately by learning to differentiate between subtle differences (for example, between frustration and disappointment).
6. Seek Feedback
Constructive insights from people you trust can help you pinpoint areas for improvement.
- Ask trusted friends, colleagues, or mentors for feedback on your emotional responses and interpersonal interactions.
- Consider working with a psychotherapist to regularly reflect on your experiences and receive guidance towards higher emotional EQ.
Dealing with Others’ Low Emotional Intelligence
Not everyone who stumbles upon this article is here to improve their emotional intelligence. Perhaps you’re navigating interactions with someone who struggles with low EQ.
While the earlier tips focused on personal growth, addressing another person’s emotional shortcomings requires a different approach. Despite the challenges, understanding and adaptability can significantly improve these relationships. Here’s how:
1. Manage your expectations.
Acknowledge that individuals with low EQ may struggle to recognize cues or regulate emotions effectively. Lowering unrealistic expectations can help reduce frustration.
2. Stay calm and composed.
Succumbing to your own emotions can escalate conflicts. Maintain your composure to set the tone for a more constructive interaction.
3. Be direct but empathetic.
Use clear and straightforward communication to express your thoughts or needs while remaining patient and empathetic to their struggles.
4. Use “I” statements.
Frame feedback non-confrontationally by focusing on your feelings (e.g., “I feel unheard when interrupted”) rather than directly criticizing their behavior.
5. Set boundaries.
If someone’s emotional tension begins to affect your comfort, establish clear boundaries to protect your mental health.
6. Model emotional intelligence.
Demonstrate EQ in your interactions. Modeling can subtly encourage others to reflect and adapt their behavior over time. If you have kids, parenting styles that promote emotional skills will help the entire family with a healthy approach to feelings.
7. Seek mediation or counseling for persistent issues.
If misunderstandings persist in professional or personal relationships, consider enlisting a neutral third party to help facilitate better communication.
Boost Your Emotional Intelligence for Personal Growth
If there is one message we’d like you to take with you after reading this article, it’s this. Emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait. It is a skill you can cultivate through intentional practice.
Recognizing the signs of lower emotional intelligence (in yourself or others) is the first step toward change. By building self-awareness, mastering emotional regulation, and embracing empathy, you can enhance your personal and professional relationships, manage your emotions effectively, and foster meaningful connections.
The journey to emotional growth is ongoing, but every step brings you closer to becoming the best version of yourself. Start today and unlock the power of emotional intelligence.
