How Positive Masculinity Can Transform Relationships and Society as a Whole

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” – Rumi

When I first encountered this powerful quote, it resonated deeply—not because I'm a man experiencing these pressures firsthand, but because I’ve witnessed countless times how traditional notions of masculinity have impacted the men around me.

As a woman, I've seen fathers, brothers, partners, and friends grapple with expectations to suppress emotions, project strength at all costs, and conform to rigid standards that ultimately harm their mental and emotional health. At its extreme, toxic masculinity is also a relationship red flag for many women looking for a partner.

Thankfully, in recent years, I've observed a meaningful shift — a growing movement toward redefining masculinity and embracing a healthier, more inclusive perspective. Known as positive masculinity, this movement challenges harmful stereotypes and encourages men to embrace their authentic selves, fostering genuine strength through emotional openness and vulnerability.

We will explore the concept of positive masculinity and its potential benefits for both men and society as a whole.

Redefining Masculinity: What Is Positive Masculinity?

Defining positive masculinity is not an easy task, as it is a complex and dynamic concept. However, it can be understood as rejecting the toxic aspects of traditional masculinity while embracing qualities such as positive emotions, emotional openness, empathy, and respect for diversity.

According to the Crowther Centre in Australia (2020), positive masculinity should be defined as: “The expression of attitudes and behaviors (character strengths and virtues which any gender might have) that have been embodied and enacted by males for the common good, both individually and for the community.”

Put simply, positive masculinity emerges by redefining what it means to be a man in a way that promotes healthy and inclusive attitudes and behaviors. It embraces the idea that all individuals, regardless of gender, possess valuable qualities like emotional intelligence, empathy, and vulnerability

While positive masculinity is not a set of rigid rules or expectations and looks different for each individual, it can be expressed in various ways. Some positive masculinity examples in action may include:

• A father encouraging his son to express his emotions and talk about his feelings
• A group of male friends supporting and comforting one another during a difficult time
• A male seeking help for mental health issues without fear of judgment
• Men actively listening and learning from women's experiences without becoming defensive

Positive Masculinity Traits and Characteristics

While there is no one set definition of positive masculinity, some common traits and characteristics associated with it include:

• Emotional intelligence
• Empathy and compassion
• Healthy communication skills
• Respect for diversity and equality
• Non-toxic expressions of humor
• Self-reflection and personal growth
• Strong sense of self and individuality
• Rejecting harmful aspects of traditional masculinity.

The Benefits of Positive Masculinity

The promotion of positive masculinity can have numerous benefits for both men and society as a whole. By challenging traditional ideas of masculinity, we can create a more inclusive society where people are not limited by rigid norms and expectations based on their gender. This can lead to healthy relationships and an increase in emotional well-being among boys and young men.

Intervention and positive guidance are also necessary to offset the toxic behaviors such as aggression, homophobia, and sexism that are often associated with traditional ideas of masculinity. It encourages men to reject the pressure to conform to rigid gender roles and instead explore their own unique identities.

Positive masculinity also values traits such as empathy, kindness, and emotional intelligence – qualities that are often dismissed or seen as weaknesses in traditional masculinity. By embracing these characteristics, men can create more meaningful connections with others and also contribute positively to their communities.

Another key aspect of positive masculinity is that it promotes self-reflection and personal growth and changes conversations. This means acknowledging one's personal and social responsibility for one's behavior and actively working towards becoming a better person. It also means being open to learning from others and valuing diversity.

How Can We Promote Positive Masculinity?

The Positive Psychology-Positive Masculinity paradigm (PPPM) created by Kiselica and Englar-Carlson (2010) suggests five key actions necessary for developing and maintaining a culture of healthy and positive masculinity. These include:

• Emphasizing the significance of "action empathy": This involves a person taking action based on how they think someone else might be feeling. For example, "I might not be upset by that meme, but if it looks like it could upset someone else, then I'll respect that person's feelings and support them."
• Nurturing male self-reliance: This doesn't mean promoting independence at the expense of interdependence. Someone with good self-reliance knows what they need mentally, emotionally, and physically, but also listens to the opinions of others and acts in a way that fits their personal values and goals rather than simply going along with the crowd.
• Use of humor: Typically, boys and men use humor for different reasons, some of which include showing wit and intelligence, deflecting negative feelings, putting others at ease, or managing conflicts. And positive masculinity matches this use of humor instead of conflicting with it. It can also help men and boys show that they care about others. "What separates positive masculinity from toxic masculinity is what or who is the subject of the joke."
• Committing to respect women: Men who adhere to positive masculinity recognize the importance of respect for women, whether that be in their personal relationships or broader society. he Male Psychology Network and the White Ribbon Campaign in 2014 noted that "the promotion of gender equity, healthy relationships and ending violence against women and girls, is essential to a new vision of positive masculinity."
• Recognizing that men don't always have to be "heroes": For a long time, masculinity has been associated with being strong, tough, and invulnerable. However, positive masculinity challenges this and emphasizes the strength and heroism in vulnerability and emotional openness. This means rejecting the traditional idea that men must always be strong, recognizing and embracing their own emotions, and being open to seeking help when needed.

Why Is Emotional Intelligence Important in Developing Healthy Masculinity?

By developing emotional intelligence, men can become more aware of their thoughts and feelings and learn to express them healthily. It also helps men cultivate empathy, a key aspect of healthy masculinity. Being emotionally intelligent, men can also confidently engage in private and intimate conversations, breaking down barriers and promoting healthy communication.

The Flawed Notions of Traditional Masculinity

Traditional ideas of masculinity have long been associated with strength, power, aggression, dominance, and emotional stoicism. Men are often expected to be physically strong, emotionally and mentally tough, and financially successful.

While thankfully, much has changed, these ideas are particularly concerning given the constant pressure faced by many men, adolescent boys, and countless other boys to assert, prove, and maintain their masculinity constantly.

That is, the pressure to perform this idea pushes men to conform to both the dark aspects of masculinity and a narrow set of expectations at the expense of their mental and emotional well-being, as some of their attitudes and behaviors are driven by others' expectations rather than their own values.

As an example of this sort of behavior, certain behaviors typically deemed problematic, such as turning up drunk at your partner's house and insisting on being let in, were actually regarded sympathetically by other male friends when viewed through the lens of expected masculine behaviors.

These traditional ideas of masculinity can have serious consequences for men's mental and emotional well-being and even for people around them and society as a whole. Men are often socialized to suppress their emotions, leading them to struggle with expressing and processing their feelings healthily. These expectations can also lead to harmful behaviors such as violence, aggression, sexual assault, and exhibiting toxic forms of competitiveness.

The narrow definitions of masculinity not only limit individual expression but also contribute to societal issues like gender inequality, violence against women, and mental health problems in men. Toxic masculinity also often results in an unhealthy and damaging view of relationships, both romantic and platonic.

The pressure to be dominant and in control can lead to unhealthy power dynamics and hinder the formation of equal and fulfilling relationships. Hence, breaking the cycle of toxic masculinity and developing a positive one is crucial in modern-day society.

Break the Cycle of Toxic Masculinity

Positive masculinity challenges traditional notions of what it means to be a man. It promotes healthy and non-toxic expressions of masculinity, encouraging individuals to embrace their emotions, prioritize relationships, and reject harmful behaviors.

We encounter boys and men with positive masculinity every day, whether it's in our personal relationships or in society. By promoting and embracing these values, we can break the cycle of toxic masculinity and create a more inclusive and respectful world for all individuals.

As author Bell Hooks said, "The first step in changing men is addressing how they are socialized." Thus, no matter where you fall on the spectrum of masculinity, you can redefine and promote positive masculinity in your own life.