People often mix up sympathy and empathy , but even though both words deal with care and emotional connection, they aren't the same thing. And knowing the difference can change the way you support others—and how you build deeper, more meaningful relationships.
What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?
Sympathy means feeling concern or sorrow for someone else's situation, often from a distance. Empathy goes further—it's the ability to understand and share another person's feelings, stepping into their emotional experience as if it were your own.
Whether you think of it as sympathy vs empathy—or empathy vs sympathy—the real difference matters more than you might realize. If you've ever faced a tough moment, you know it’s not about someone fixing it for you—it’s about feeling less alone in it. That emotional connection, that "fellow feeling," is the heart of empathy.
In this article, we’ll break down what each term really means, when to use them, and how choosing empathy more often can change the way you connect with the people around you.
How Empathy and Sympathy Change Relationships: A Comparison
Both sympathy and empathy are ways we respond to the emotions of others—but they reflect two very different experiences.
According to Merriam-Webster, empathy is "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another." In simpler terms, it’s putting yourself in someone else's shoes and truly sharing in their emotional world.
Sympathy , on the other hand, involves recognizing another person's suffering and feeling sorrow or concern for them—but without fully sharing in their emotions. It often comes from a respectful distance, offering kindness without stepping into their experience. Sometimes, sympathy can even take the form of pity—a feeling of sadness for someone's misfortune without truly connecting with what they're going through.
Did You Know? sympathy and empathy have their roots in the Greek word pathos, which means "feeling" or "suffering." While they share this common origin, the way we experience and express them today is very different.The difference might seem small at first, but it can deeply affect how we connect with people who are struggling.
Sympathy tends to keep us on the outside looking in, while empathy invites us to come alongside someone, building a genuine emotional bond. Both responses come from a place of care—but only empathy fosters the kind of deep connection that helps people feel truly seen and supported, while sympathy can sometimes leave them feeling even more isolated.
Researcher and bestselling author Dr. Brené Brown, known for her work on vulnerability, courage, and emotional connection, explains this beautifully. In her research, she highlights that empathy fuels connection, while sympathy drives disconnection—a critical difference that can shape how supported or isolated someone feels when they're struggling.
Knowing the difference between these two words will help you to better understand which emotion to express in different situations. To make it even clearer, here's a side-by-side overview of how sympathy and empathy compare.
Sympathy vs Empathy: Key Differences Feature Sympathy Empathy Emotional Distance More detached Emotionally involved Perspective Observer Shared experience Emotional Engagement Recognizes suffering without sharing it Shares and feels the emotional experience Common Phrases "I'm sorry you're going through that." "I can imagine how hard that must feel." Response Type Concern, comfort, or pity Deep understanding and validation Relational Impact May unintentionally create emotional distance Builds trust and emotional closeness Helpful In... Offering condolences or formal support Active listening, emotional support roles, leadership
You Don’t Have to Live It to Understand It One common misconception about empathy—and even sympathy—is that you have to have gone through the exact same experience to truly understand or care about someone's feelings.
But that's not true.
Empathy is about connecting to a person's feelings, not their exact circumstances. You don’t need to have faced the same hardship to listen, support, and feel alongside someone. Sympathy, too, doesn't require lived experience—only a willingness to acknowledge someone's pain and offer care, even if you can't fully imagine it. Now that we understand the core differences, let's see how they play out in everyday conversations and how our responses can either distance or connect us.
5 Real-Life Examples of Sympathy vs. Empathy (and How to Respond Better)
Understanding the difference is powerful—but knowing how to respond in the moment can be even harder. Here’s how common reactions can shift depending on whether we're meaning well, offering sympathy, or practicing true empathy.
1. A Friend Lost Their Job Situation: Your friend just told you they were laid off unexpectedly.
Meaning Well (but missing the mark):
"Everything happens for a reason—you'll find something better soon!" Sympathetic Response:
"I'm so sorry you're going through this. That must be really tough." Empathetic Response:
"I can only imagine how overwhelming this must feel right now. I'm here if you want to talk or just vent." 2. A Colleague Is Struggling with Burnout Situation: A coworker shares that they’re exhausted and feeling overwhelmed.
Meaning Well (but missing the mark):
"Everyone gets tired sometimes—you’ll be fine." Sympathetic Response:
"I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Hopefully it gets better soon." Empathetic Response:
"I can hear how drained you are. You don't have to handle it all alone—I'm here to back you up however you need." 3. A Friend Is Grieving the Loss of a Loved One Situation: A friend tells you their family member has passed away.
Meaning Well (but missing the mark):
"At least they lived a long life." Sympathetic Response:
"I'm really sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you." Empathetic Response:
"I can't imagine the pain you're feeling right now. I'm here for you in any way you need." 4. Someone Is Struggling with Anxiety Situation: A friend confides that they've been battling anxiety and are feeling overwhelmed.
Meaning Well (but missing the mark):
"You just need to relax. Worrying doesn't solve anything!" Sympathetic Response:
"I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious. That must be hard." Empathetic Response:
"It sounds like there's so much weighing on you right now. I'm here to listen—no pressure, no fixing, just listening." 5. A Partner Feels Overwhelmed by Daily Responsibilities Situation: Your partner admits they’re feeling overwhelmed by everything they have to manage—work, household tasks, family obligations, and more.
Meaning Well (but missing the mark):
"It's not that bad. Everyone's busy—you just need to get more organized." Sympathetic Response:
"I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed. Hopefully, it gets easier soon." Empathetic Response:
"I can see how much you're balancing right now. We’re in this together—you don't have to carry it all alone." Notice how the empathetic responses focus less on fixing, minimizing, or rushing someone through their emotions—and more on truly listening, validating, and staying present.
That's the heart of empathy: meeting someone where they are, without trying to move them somewhere else too quickly.
Don't know what to say? Sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer is simple, honest presence. Here are a few empathetic phrases you can use when you're at a loss for words:
"You're not alone in this; what can I do for you?" Now, let’s take a closer look at each response style individually—when sympathy is appropriate, when empathy matters most, and how each one shapes the way we connect with others.
Sympathy Creates Separation
While empathy invites shared emotional experience, sympathy is more about acknowledging another person's pain from a distance.
That’s not to underestimate the importance of sympathy—it’s just a different emotional response. Sympathy is often honest and heartfelt, and there are many situations where it’s the appropriate way to show you care, especially when a deeper emotional connection isn’t possible or necessary.
However, sympathy doesn't involve fully stepping into someone else's world. It offers kindness without vulnerability. Because of that distance, sympathy can sometimes drive disconnection instead of closeness—especially if the other person is craving true emotional support.
An Example of Sympathy in Action Take a professional setting, for example. A colleague tells you their distant relative has passed away. You've never met the person and don't share a close personal connection with your colleague. You might say, "I'm really sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and your family," and respectfully move on.
In moments like this:
You're acknowledging their pain and expressing care. You're not pretending to feel what they feel or deeply understand their situation, which keeps the interaction appropriate and professional. Sympathy often comes into play when a relationship calls for compassion without emotional entanglement. It’s appropriate with acquaintances, coworkers, or distant family members—people with whom you want to offer kindness, but where deep emotional sharing might not be appropriate or welcomed.
Sometimes, sympathy can even take the form of pity: feeling sadness for someone's misfortune without truly engaging with their emotional world. While pity comes from a place of concern, it can unintentionally make the other person feel isolated, minimized, or unseen.
All in all, sympathy is a necessary and valuable emotional response in the right circumstances. But when deeper relationships are involved, sympathy alone can feel cold, dismissive, or disconnected—falling short of the emotional presence that true empathy offers.
Empathy Fosters Connection
While sympathy often acknowledges pain from a respectful distance, empathy invites you to step closer—to share in someone's emotional world without trying to fix it. True empathy is not about shifting into problem-solving mode; it’s about listening, sitting with discomfort, and making space for another person's feelings.
Extending empathy lessens the weight of pain and the fear of being judged or misunderstood. But empathy isn't always easy. It requires vulnerability—sharing your own emotional experiences when needed, and listening without rushing to offer solutions or comparisons. Supporting someone through a dark time often means being willing to sit with your own discomfort, too. And over time, offering deep empathy to others can lead to what's known as empathy fatigue , especially for those in caregiving or support roles .
When you extend empathy to a loved one, you open your inner space to them. In turn, they feel safer to open up about their struggles, building deeper trust and emotional closeness.
An Example of Empathy in Relationships To help you understand empathy better, let's look at a real-life example of showing empathy to a grieving friend .
Some time ago, my friend had a stillbirth, and I went to visit her. As I hugged her, she broke down, blaming herself for everything she thought she could have done to prevent her son from being born dead. I listened to her and felt so much empathy—but in the process, I said something that didn’t land the way I intended.
I said, "I can imagine how you feel because, you know, this is like a whole baby.” She turned to me and replied, "It's not like a whole baby. It is a whole baby." I didn’t mean to suggest it wasn’t—because it clearly was. He was fully formed. But my wording unintentionally added to her pain.
Moments like that taught me that empathy is more about presence than words. Sometimes, words aren't necessary at all. Just sitting quietly, letting someone cry, or simply being there in the silence can be incredibly powerful. That’s exactly what I did moving forward—and it saved me from more awkward or painful missteps with her.
When supporting someone through grief or hardship:
You're acknowledging their unique pain instead of trying to fix it. You're offering emotional presence, not just logistical help. You're giving them permission to grieve openly, without judgment or pressure. Which Is Better: Sympathy or Empathy?
As we've already explored, there are times when sympathy is the right emotional response. It allows us to acknowledge someone's pain with kindness, especially in professional settings or distant relationships where deeper emotional sharing isn’t expected—or even appropriate.
But if you had to choose between sympathy and empathy when it comes to building stronger, more meaningful relationships, empathy would come out on top.
Sympathy often stays at the surface, offering care from a distance without truly stepping into the other person's emotional world. Empathy, on the other hand, bridges that distance. It’s about sitting with someone in their pain, offering presence instead of pity, and letting them know they’re not alone.
When you practice empathy, you meet people at the heart of their emotions. That connection—whether in personal or professional relationships—helps reduce conflict, improves communication, and builds trust in a way sympathy simply can't match.
If you'd like a quick, powerful visual that brings the difference between empathy and sympathy to life, here's a short video where Dr. Brené Brown beautifully captures why empathy creates connection where sympathy sometimes falls short.
VIDEO
Brené Brown on Empathy Courtesy of RSA
How Can You Be More Empathetic to Those Who Are Struggling?
Empathy isn’t just a personal virtue—it’s a skill that makes a real difference in our workplaces, our families, and our communities. Research shows that empathetic leadership improves job performance, while strong emotional intelligence fosters better communication and more positive relationships at every level of life.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all method for showing empathy, there are practical steps you can take to be more present, more supportive, and more understanding when someone needs you most. And like any skill, empathy can be practiced, strengthened, and refined over time.
Here are four simple but powerful ways to deepen your empathy:
1. Listen Actively—Without Interrupting or Judging Often, when someone shares their pain, our instinct is to start planning what we’ll say next. But true empathy begins with real listening . Focus fully on what the person is saying—and what they aren’t saying. Pay attention to nonverbal cues like tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language.
Once they finish speaking, take a moment to process before responding. Resist the urge to jump in with advice, comparisons, or reassurances.
Also remember: someone seeking empathy is usually at their most vulnerable. Whether or not you personally agree with their feelings, your role is to create a safe, nonjudgmental space where they feel truly seen, heard, and supported.
2. Understand What the Other Person Needs Everyone experiences hardship differently. It's tempting to imagine what you would do in their situation—but empathy means meeting them where they are, not where you are.
Instead of rushing to conclusions or offering quick solutions, offer a listening ear first. Then, when the time feels right, ask what they need. It could be advice, comfort, space, or just someone to sit quietly with them. Letting them tell you what would help is a profound act of respect and connection.
3. Be Fully Present When you offer empathy, your full attention is one of the most powerful gifts you can give.
Put away distractions like your phone. Maintain eye contact. Nod occasionally to show you’re engaged. Open your body language—uncross your arms, lean in slightly—and let your posture say, "I'm here with you."
Presence doesn't mean having the perfect words. Often, just being physically and emotionally available says more than anything you could say.
4. Mirror Their Emotion (Without Overriding It) When someone’s hurting, our natural reaction is often to try to cheer them up—but sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is simply meet them where they are.
If someone is tearful and speaking softly, respond with your own softness. If they’re frustrated and venting, stay calm but validate their feelings without rushing to fix them.
Mirroring isn’t about mimicking—it’s about honoring the emotional energy they’re carrying in that moment, without overwhelming or dismissing it.
Practice Empathy Over Sympathy Today
Human beings are wired for connection.
But real connection doesn’t happen at a distance—it’s built through presence, understanding, and emotional honesty. Sympathy and empathy are both powerful emotions that reflect our shared humanity, but they serve different roles. Recognizing the difference between them can transform how we show up for the people around us.
Empathy means genuinely stepping into someone else's feelings and experiences, sharing in their emotional world, and offering meaningful support. Sympathy, while still rooted in care, tends to stay at the surface—acknowledging pain without fully connecting to it.
You can sympathize with anyone—for example, feeling bad for natural disaster victims in another country. But it's empathy that fosters true emotional engagement, strengthens relationships, and helps others feel truly seen and heard.
At its heart, empathy is also a key part of emotional intelligence : the ability to recognize, understand, and respond to emotions—both our own and others’. It's a skill that improves communication , builds trust, and deepens human connection in every area of life, including mental health.
Whenever possible, choose empathy over sympathy. It’s the bridge to stronger bonds , deeper compassion, and a more emotionally connected world.
