One advantage of having a partner whose language of love is physical touch is that you can easily express love without the need to spend money on gifts, reassure them through words, or spend time cleaning the kitchen before they get home from work.
If physical touch is your partner's language of love, they prefer to be shown love physically rather than other expressions of care and affection, such as getting gifts or receiving verbal compliments.
It is good to note that physical touch doesn't only entail having sex. While sex is an integral part of a romantic relationship, a handhold, shoulder squeeze, or a hug can be excellent ways to show your partner how much you love and care for them.
Sounds simple, right? Not so fast.
If you're unaware that your partner values physical touch, you might end up in a relationship where one person feels unloved and undervalued, which is most likely to cause conflicts.
Let's help you understand how you can tell that your partner loves physical touch and some things you can do to fulfill this emotional need.
How to Tell if Physical Touch Is Your Partner's Love Language
Developed in the 1990s by American author Gary Chapman, the five love languages — Quality Time, Gift-Giving, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch — have helped people across the globe better understand their relationship needs and those of their partner.
Chapman stresses that different people have different personalities and, therefore, will show and experience love differently. Learning to perceive these preferences in yourself or your partner can help you identify the root cause of your disagreements, connect more, and ultimately grow closer to one another.
If you are unfamiliar with Chapman’s theory of love languages, we recommend reading this article before continuing.
They say you cannot give what you don't have. In the context of love languages, you're more likely to display love, affection, and appreciation to your partner the same way you would like to be loved. So, your partner's love language could be physical touch, but because you prefer getting gifts, you find yourself buying them presents to show that you love them. You end up buying more and more expensive gifts for them when all they need is for you to hold their hands or hug them tightly.
While giving someone a gift is not wrong, it is miscommunication if you keep doing the opposite of what they prefer (or if it's all you do to show them your love and appreciation).
So, how can you tell that your partner's language of love is physical touch?
Since most people tend to express love the same way they would love to receive it, the first sign you may notice is that they're touchy themselves and not just with you. You may see them touching others as they speak, which may feel uncomfortable to you, but there is nothing to be jealous about. There is nothing romantic about their behavior; it’s just how they communicate. It could be a touch on the shoulder, a platonic hug, or simply wanting to sit closer to their friends.
Does your partner enjoy public displays of affection?
This is another sign that their love language is physical touch. Most people whose language of love is physical touch enjoy giving and receiving PDAs. They will feel like something is missing if they are not holding hands or walking arm-in-arm with their partner. In their mind, they may feel like you don't really care about them or are ashamed to be seen with them.
Physical touch may also be your partner's love language if they've described themselves as "a cuddle monster" or "a good hugger." In the end, communication is the best way to know your partner's language of love. Discuss the different love languages with your partner and see if they identify more with physical touch.
When you communicate more, you'll also get to know some things your partner finds lacking in the relationship. Listening to their concerns can be an excellent way to learn how they want to be loved.
Complaints such as, "We don't cuddle enough," or "I feel we're not connecting on a physical level," can mean that your partner enjoys physical affection.
Do keep in mind that languages of love go beyond romantic partners. They also apply to our relationship with our family and children, friends and acquaintances, and work colleagues.
How to Show Love to Someone Whose Love Language Is Physical Touch
People whose love language is physical touch associate touch with love and appreciation, not only in their romantic relationships but in all other relationships. For instance, a parenting relationship where you hug your kids to show that you love them — a lot!
In such a case, if the child refuses to embrace or pulls away, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't love the parent or are mad at them. It may mean that they are speaking a different love language.
If your love language is touch, showing a partner who “speaks the same language” is easy as pie! But if this isn't your language of love — especially if you are touch-averse or have a personality style that doesn’t like PDAs — you will need to find ways to show them love in a meaningful way.
Here are some ways to make your partner feel loved and supported through physical touch.
Kissing
Frequent kissing can be an excellent way to show physical affection to your partner. Note that, although it's not a bad idea, not all kissing must end under the sheets. You can plant a friendly kiss on their forehead when leaving for work or when saying goodbye. So, you don't have just to kiss their lips; it can also be their hand, cheek, forehead, etc.
Kissing can be used in all kinds of romantic and non-romantic relationships. In some cultures, it is used as a greeting or an act of respect.
Cuddling
Cuddling can drastically improve your relationship, both physically and emotionally. You can cuddle while lying in bed or watching a movie on the couch. You can let them place their head on your chest or vice versa. They also love to spoon at night!
Holding Hands
We have all been there. You see a couple holding hands on the streets, and you start thinking, they must really love each other. Holding hands is another excellent way to show love through physical touch.
Do you see how parents hold their kids' hands as a show of protection? That's exactly how your partner will feel when you have their hand in yours, whether in public or private. They will feel loved and protected.
Skin-to-Skin Touching
Touching or caressing can arouse sexual feelings, but you can also make it non-sexual. Running your fingertips through your partner's hair, caressing their neck or back, or even just holding their leg can be the perfect way to tell them you're in love with them, you're physically enchanted with them, or you're there for them.
Don't just touch your partner when you want sex; do it all the time. Something as simple as touching them on the shoulder as you walk past will make them smile.
Massage
You don't have to offer professional massages, but giving your partner a simple leg rub while watching your favorite series can make them feel loved. Massage can also be an excellent way to make your partner relax, and by rubbing your hand in circles along their lower back, you might find yourselves in the bedroom.
Non-Sensual Comforting Touch
You know how when a friend is upset or crying, you rub their back to try and calm them down. Or when you are proud of someone, you give them a pat on the back? In both of these cases, there is nothing sensual or sexually intimate happening. It’s the power of human contact.
If your partner has physical touch as their language of love, acts like this are extremely meaningful to them. It’s a way to reassure them that you care for them or are proud of what they have achieved—in the way they understand it best.
This type of touch isn’t restricted to their back. A non-intimate rub or touch on the hand, shoulder, or leg works too. Of course, you must ensure your partner is comfortable with whatever you're doing.
Need ideas for the perfect gift for someone with the physical touch language of love? Read this!
What If Physical Touch Is Not Your Love Language?
People whose language of love is physical touch insist on receiving and giving love through gestures such as cuddling, hugging, and holding hands. Physical contact is excellent for showing comfort, closeness, and emotional connection.
If your style is to move away physically when you disagree or argue with your partner, it is essential to communicate this clearly. For them, the best way to break the tension and reconnect is by closing that physical gap through physical touch. If you pull away, they may read more into the situation and feel unloved. Use words such as, "I love you, but right now, I need some time apart to calm down." And, if you are emotionally able, a touch of the arm or kiss on the forehead before you go will help them to better handle your need for space without taking it personally.
When you are ready to discuss the issue, a quick, reassuring hug before you start the conversation will go a long way. Do keep in mind, though, that for many people with physical touch as their primary language of love, sex can be their way of making up. If you need more than that, it’s important to communicate this to your significant other.
That said, always remember that physical touch doesn't necessarily have to lead to sex. It can be something as intimate as sex or simple as holding hands at a large gathering.
In fact, if you limit physical contact to times when you want to be intimate, things can actually backfire, making them feel used (yes, this may sound like a double standard here, but people are complicated!). If you have ever heard, "You only kiss me or hold my hands when you want to have sex," that's a sign that your partner is feeling unloved and unsatisfied with how you communicate affection and appreciation to them.
Here are some other things to keep in mind when using touch to show your partner you care.
- When your partner's love language is physical touch, consistently practicing everything that entails this loving gesture will help you maintain a healthy relationship where everyone feels understood, loved, and seen.
- While learning and practicing your partner's love language can be challenging, especially if physical touch isn't your language, trying to love them how they understand is worth all the effort.
- Not everyone who enjoys physical touch is the same. While one person who values physical touch might enjoy PDA, another more introverted person might feel uncomfortable being touched in public and only enjoy it in private. So, it helps if your lover can explain what they're comfortable with when receiving love through physical touch.
Incorporating various physical gestures such as leg grazes, arm squeezes, hugs, and forehead kisses into your encounters with a partner whose language of love is physical touch can be a great way to stay in tune and make them feel loved and cared for.
Of course, knowing your lover's love language is not the only thing that will keep your relationship intact. It’s just one part of our personality that impacts how we interact with our romantic partners.
There are other things that couples must work toward to achieve a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.
If you are still not sure whether your partner speaks the language of Physical Touch, these articles may help you figure out their true language of love: Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, and Acts of Service.
Learn More about Love Languages
